She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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