It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
