no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
