He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
