so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
