don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
