you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
