party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
