dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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