it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
