He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
