don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
