I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
