i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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