is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Randomize
