i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
