I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
