guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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