he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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