4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
