a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize