how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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