Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize