she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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