i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
