I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
