I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
