dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
should my penis look like a turkey
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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