someone owes me an orgasm
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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