I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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