Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
