I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
