Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
