i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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