Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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