And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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