I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
