Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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