Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The adults are the big ones right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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