the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
