I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
