It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
