I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
