I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
