I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
