i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
