I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
