____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize