where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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