Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
