he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The air was thick with penises
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
