Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So much rum. So many feels.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
