Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
