Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just gift wrapped bread.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
