I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
