Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
