yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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