i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
