Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
