cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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