Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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