On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
