there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize