careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
