OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
