Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
